Ever since Nash turned 1 I have had a lot of people ask me when I'm gonna have another kid.
Ok seriously there's a reason why we don't have another kid right now and Nash is 3.
Once Nash turned 18 months I really wanted a another baby. Than my husband said that we weren't having anymore kids. This upset me pretty bad. The whole time I'm thinking why doesn't he want another baby.
Does he not love me enough?
Am I a horrible mom?
Will I go through the horrible labor I went through with Nash?
These questions would be in my head for weeks. I would hide in the shower and cry.
I had a hard time having that sink in for months. We would argue about it and he wouldn't tell me why. I would see all these other families getting pregnant with their 2nd or 3rd kid and I would be so jealous. I would tell my husband that Nash will never have a best friend, be an uncle or a big brother at all. He would just shrug it off and walk away.
When Nash turned 2 I started to slowly understand how my husband was feeling. Between 2 and 3 I now noticed that Nash really needs our attention and help. He is behind on some things; this includes his speech and communication skills. He has a hard time understanding certain things and sounding out words. He is being evaluated at school and they said that he needs our attention more than ever. We aren't gonna let him be a spoiled brat, we are going to teach him the things he needs to get his speech skills up. If I had another baby I wouldn't be able to give Nash the help he needs.
Nash will still learn his manners, sharing and responsibility, we will not treat him like a baby. He has learned a lot of that from daycare and school, especially patience.
Every kid is different and every kid learns differently. Every family is different and they raise their kids different. I raise and teach my kid possibly different from other people and what I'm doing is working so I'm gonna stick with that. I know my son more than anyone so I know what works for him.
You know what I couldn't be more proud of my son. Hes smart, funny and loves to help people. There are some things that he likes that make him seem like we are babying him. Like not sitting in the big boy swing, he chooses to use the one where he puts his legs in because that's where he feels safe and comfortable. As long as it makes him happy and enjoying life I don't care. Its the small things that matter.
It also got me thinking about my health. People don't realize that it is very hard to be a mom and have seizures. The last one I had lasted for about 30 minutes and I was awake the whole time listening to Nash yelling help. My husband was at work and I just put Nash in his high chair to eat and he was done and wanted to get down. It killed me that I was so helpless... I couldn't help my toddler at all. I tried to get up and I ended up falling off the couch. I had to hear him cry for help till my husband got home from work. Luckily before it got bad I was able to call him. If I had 2 kids I don't know what to think. I want to get my health under control so I won't have to hear a newborn cry for its mommy and a toddler be in pain while I'm loosing control of my body.
I know if we have another kid it will be in a couple of years. I want Nash to be able to help with the newborn and to teach him responsibility and sharing. I don't really care how old Nash will be. I don't care that having a newborn is gonna take some getting use to with another kid. Right now I'm going to concentrate on my health and helping Nash. I know a couple of people that have kids that are about 17 months apart... thats amazing. I never hear them complain about the kids being so close together. They always seem to enjoy it and they also work together to help each other not loose their mind. I seriously can't imagine having a kid right now, especially with Nash and his 3 year old tantrums and attitude.
I'm at the point where I have this gut feeling that I need to wait. I'm gonna listen to my gut and see what happens. Something is telling me to help Nash and get stronger before I have another baby.
As of now Nash's vocabulary is growing everyday. Ever since he's been going to school he has been just amazing. His speech, communication and social skills have sky rocketed. He's only been going to school for a month and a half now and he is so ahead and learning things so fast that it's changing him into a whole different kid. He still needs help with things, but I know he will get it down. Nash is so smart and catches things right as soon as he sees it. He is now repeating everything I say and learning everyday. When he was 2 I did teach him some ABCs and taught him to count to 6. Now he can count to 10 all by himself and sing the ABCs clear to the letter K than he asks for help and once I start singing with him he'll sing the rest of it. He puts his dishes away throws trash away when hes done, and is very good at doing his chores. He now uses the word "help" and "please" and puts them in sentences.
Now your gonna read this and think wow what a complainer, oh she has no idea what to expect, why in the hell did she write this post. Guess what.... I don't care. I want people to know why my toddler is 3 and we don't have another one yet. Also to let people know that if your child is behind in development it's not your fault. I know it took me a while to stop blaming myself for his delay.
This isn't a rant its just an info post.
I hope one day that I will have another baby for me and Nash to cuddle and help each other. Hopefully that I won't have a hard time bringing another child in this world.
